if it can go wrong...

I want to tell you all a story. A story about my morning.

Disclaimer: I couldn't make this up if I wanted to...

My alarm goes off at 6 a.m. and I'm ready to go. I'm tired, but I'm ready for the day. I'm well aware that we've got some bad weather this morning so I'm prepared to leave the apartment an hour before I need to work in order to defrost and de-ice. By 7:00 I'm out the door and ready to tackle the 1/2 inch thick layer of ice coating my car. I turn the ol' girl on to get her warmed up, I set my purse down and my breakfast is waiting for me in the passenger seat. There's a piping hot cup of coffee to warm my insides sitting in the cup holder. I get out of the car, shut the door slightly and I see it.

My door has inadvertently been locked. You wouldn't think it's a big deal because I've got a spare set of keys. Only it IS a big deal because my spare keys are precisely where they shouldn't be: in my car as well.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" Literally. I'm in the parking lot yelling at myself. I don't know what to do, so I go knock on my neighbor's door. I wake the poor girl up and beg for any help she can offer me. She doesn't have a phone book for me to call a locksmith, but she suggests I go try to find the maintenance guy. So I jaunt over to the office and I see that the steps are coated in ice too. Ice thicker than what's on my car. Carefully, I climb the steps. I make it up to the top safely, only to be crushed upon discovering the office doesn't open til 9. It's 7:15. I'm making my way down the icy steps and I stumble. I'm losing my balance, I'm sliding. I must have bypassed 4 whole steps, but I land on the ground, on my feet. Only there's no traction and I'm down. I bang me knee, and I land on my wrist. My wrist is fine (I didn't see the blood until later...) and I'm feeling okay about my knee (I didn't start limping til later). Mostly I'm just glad no one was around for that show.

So it's back to the neighbor's. She gives me a wire hanger to work with while she tries to find someone to help. It starts raining. 10 minutes later she makes it back with the maintenance guy and a phonebook. He starts working with the wire hanger and I'm off to call my work, and maybe a locksmith. I'm jogging toward my neighbor, who is standing there with her dog, Blue, on a leash. Well Blue apparently does not like people running at his momma because when I get close enough he runs up to me and bites my leg.

I shit you not people. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

My neighbor is super apologetic and luckily, Blue didn't break the skin or anything. It wasn't til I got to work that I noticed the huge welt and the mouth shaped bruise now gracing my right calf. A few minutes later, the maintenance guy successfully breaks into my car. I officially leave for work at 7:50 am. I'm only 20 minutes late.

Now let's make a list of what happened:
1. locked 2 sets of keys in the car
2. fall down set of icy steps
3. get bit by dog

ALL BEFORE 8:00 A.M. What the hell, man.

You know, I wanted to cry several times. I wanted to scream. I wanted to give up and run away. But I didn't. As a matter of fact, once I had myself in the car and headed to work, I think I laughed for half of my commute. I mean, honestly. The whole situation was absurdly hilarious. And I hope you're all laughing, too.

It's an occupational hazard of being independent, I guess. But I learned a good lesson. Yea, I got beat up this morning, but I survived. It all worked out. The world didn't end. And it wasn't long before I was laughing about it.

Sigh.

It's only Tuesday.

And in case you were wondering, I got to eat my breakfast, but my coffee had gotten kinda cold by the time I made it in to the car. Eh well. Oh, and despite all my bruises, I'm totally cool. Just kinda swollen and maybe a little bit sore.