15 May 2009

Everything Flows Onward

I have quite enjoyed my time as a blogger here, but I have decided to move to a new blog host. Please continue to visit me for updates and observations at the following site:

Everything Flows Onward

All my archives have gone over with me, so the transition is smoother. Similarly, bear with me if there are a lot of changes and often. I'm still new to the site and am trying to get my bearings. Also, expect to be hearing from me in the near future. There has been a fair amount of introspection going on in my life this week.

Namaste.

08 May 2009

In Loving Memory


True to our form, doing what we do best, Erin and I got tattoos last night in memory of our cousin, Johnny. It seemed like a very fitting way for both of us to commemorate his life. We each got a violet flower, his birth flower, on our foot.

Johnny was laid to rest yesterday, May 7th, 2009. The service was beautiful and it is a blessing to have been here with my family.

Thank you to everyone who has carried us in his or her thoughts. Your love can be felt from miles away.

Johnny was our Peter Pan when we played together as children, and now, as an adult, Peter Pan he shall remain: forever young and gone back to Neverland. The rest of us will play the part of Wendy. We'll continue to grow older every passing day, and wait for spring cleaning, when Peter will come back to take us with him.

Rest in peace, John Losse, Jr.

05 May 2009

SEVA Challenge 2009

So, things are really up and running for our involvement in the SEVA 2009 Challenge.

In case you are not aware of what it is or what I have to do with it, allow us to explain:

WHAT IS OUR PURPOSE?

The SEVA Challenge 2009 is in collaboration with Off the Mat into the World organization (www.offthematintotheworld.org ) where yogis around the United States and Canada join hands to raise money for national and international causes.

This year, I have pledged to raise $20,000 by November 15, 2009 for three organizations. Once my goal is reached, I will be traveling to Uganda in February 2010. Through the transformative practice of daily yoga, extensive hands-on experience and leadership training, we will create a powerful container in which to learn, discover and become effective agents for change.

SHANTI UGANDA
A Vancouver based organization dedicated to helping children, women, and communities in Uganda find peace and health. OTM will support these efforts:
• Build an eco-friendly birthing center in remote Uganda
• Offer services to 50 HIV positive women
• Support a mid-wife training program, allowing them to earn an income, and supports women giving birth


BUILDING TOMORROW
Building Tomorrow is an international organization out of Indianapolis, Indiana. This year, OTM will support Building Tomorrow’s efforts:
• Building a primary school
• Housing for seven teachers and their families
• Develop a farm on the school’s property

YOUTH AIDS
Seane Corn, along with Ashley Judd and Josh Lucas, is an ambassador for Youth Aids. OTM will be working with this organization to support:
• Education and prevention initiative to stopping the spread of HIV/AIDS
• Life-saving programs in over 60 countries

In addition, 20% of proceeds will stay in the United States and Canada to support youth at-risk programs. OTM is committed to continuing our work to support cultures and communities where basic human needs are at risk and to offering our hearts, hands and resources in joyful and practical service.


The Facts:
-41% of children in Africa have no access to education.
-Every morning 41 million children in sub-Africa wake up with no school to attend.
-Over 1 million children in Uganda, between the ages of 6-12 are not in school.
-Only 57% of children in Uganda will complete primary school.
-The war in Northern Uganda has been called the most neglected humanitarian emergency in the world.
-15 million children around the world have been orphaned by AIDS losing one or both parents by this disease
-In a country where sanitation and medical facilities are lacking, high cesarean section rates, and other interventions lead to infection and death.
-Without continued access to education and supplies, these practices put the birthing mother and her child at risk causing thousands to die each year.

OUR PLAN:
Between now and November 15, people with the same vision and I have organized several events for this cause:
• Yoga-thons
• Cut-a-thons
• Art Auctions (one online and one live, local event)
• Letter writing campaigns
• Traveling yoga donation classes

ACTION:
I am asking you to support my effort in any way possible. If you feel inclined to offer a monetary donation, please do so the following ways below. Your tax deductible donation will go to support these worthwhile causes. If you would like to donate an item for our art auction, or volunteer for one of our other efforts, please contact me at staceyshanks@insightbb.com or (812) 455-6740.

Your donation will be part of a legacy of hope for Uganda and an agent for social change. Please consider my plea for help by supporting this cause and my goal now. I am happy to answer any questions you may have about these organizations or my efforts. Together we CAN make a difference!

Love & blessings for a better tomorrow,

Stacey Shanks
Lynn Falcony
Jenny Naes



Another tid bit of information that may be of interest to you is the monetary goal of our efforts. Stacey has taken the SEVA pledge, which means that in order to be able to travel to Uganda and physically take part in the efforts of the above mentioned organizations, she must raise $20,000 by November 15th. Stacey's entire heart and soul is being poured into her efforts. I have seen firsthand how much this means to her to have the opportunity to take part. She is so moved by the cause and was absolutely called by the universe to take action.

So, how can you donate? There is a button at the top left of this blog which you can click and be directed to the donation site. From there, please select Stacey Shanks as the recipient of your donation. Another option available to you is to send checks to Off the Mat, Into the World P.O. Box 748, Venice, CA 90294 (payable to The Engage Network with Stacey Shanks in the memo on the check).

How can you get involved or stay updated on information? We invite you all to join our Ning network: www.sevachallenge.ning.com. This is the site that Stacey, Lynn and I have set up for our organizing efforts. Here you can sign in, find friends, join groups and forum discussions, keep updated on our progress and our events. There is so much exciting stuff going on here. I hope you all will join us and consider giving what you can. Your help means the world to us all.

Namaste'.

02 May 2009

Grieving

This morning I woke up and couldn't have found enough paper in the entire world onto which I could write all of the reasons I thought I was in a bad mood. Certainly it was partly because I haven't eaten healthily enough of the past few days. "I'm sure I gained 10 pounds last night alone..." And surely it had something to do with the fact that I will be missing more yoga classes this week than I like to. How can I remain in a good mood if I don't have my yoga? And don't even get me started on the fact that there hasn't been sun in a few days. I'm obviously deficient in vitamin D and clearly a lost cause. All of these things combined, how could I possible be light and cheery today?

I meditated. I begged for clarity, for a single ray of sunshine, for a way to be light. My meditation ended and I went on about my morning. I didn't notice any changes immediately following, so I figured I was pretty much doomed. It was only 6:31 am and already my day was shot.

About an hour later, I got into my car and began driving to the yoga studio where I was to be teaching two classes today. Behind the wheel of my car, I started crying. Tears wouldn't stop falling. I realized suddenly just why I felt like I was in a fog and I knew how to remove myself from it. I realized that my made-up list of Why I Should Be Pissy Today was just my ego's way of protecting itself/myself from feeling pain. It was a diversion tactic, in other words. Interestingly, it was also the first time I ever truly saw how anorexia was a desperate egoic action-- my ego saw something it didn't like, ran in the other direction and frantically waved it's arms, drawing my attention away from the reality of my life, away from truth, only later to get lazy long enough to see what was truly haunting me and realize how much it had gotten out of hand, having been ignored. But I digress some.

So there I was, driving and crying, and I realized that because I had asked (okay, seriously I begged) for clarity, I was finally receiving it. The fog was lifted and I was left with grief. Three days after learning the news, I had now begun grieving the loss of my cousin.

Instead of trying desperately not to feel pain, I let go and became present for my reality. I showed up for my grief. I sat with it; I allowed it to saturate me. I let it do what it needed to do. I let it work itself through me. My grief told me it couldn't handle being ignored anymore. It needed to talk, to be heard, just for a short while. It asked that I put my shield down, open the curtains and cease to be ashamed of it. "Please," grief implored, "I just need you to accept me."

And so I cried the whole way to the studio. I cried because my cousin ever hurt. I cried because we are all hurting for him now. I cried because I want to be with my family as soon as possible and that's not soon enough for my own preference. I cried because we are in the midst of a family tragedy. As I cried, the clouds of my mind parted ever so slightly, Release softly assuring me it was on the horizon.

Stacey was the only person to show up for the 8:30 class. She listened to me as I was finally acknowledging my grief and letting it be heard. She let me cry some more and then offered to sit and meditate together as opposed to doing a physical practice. So we sat, and I continued to give grief my attention, as long as it needed it.

Then, slowly, I began to feel warm. Eyes closed, I felt the sun shining on me from the inside out. The sunshine that can only come from my Source. I was transported to a grassy field. I got warmer still, sitting in this field. I could feel the Sun and a soft, warm breeze. I became aware of the grass and I felt my cousin Johnny with me. He was a blade of grass and he whispered to me that he'd never leave us. I was touched with such an overwhelming sense of peace. All I'd had to do was stop denying grief, to allow myself to be present for it, and eventually my grief would be transformed into peace.

I knew the next thing I needed to do was to write. So I wrote my Aunt Kathy, Johnny's mother, a letter that I will give to her at the wake. The release kept coming with every stroke of my pen and when I finally finished and looked up for the first time, out of the studio windows, I saw that the clouds outside had parted ever so slightly and through them, the warm and generous sun was offering a few beautiful beams of light.

30 April 2009

meme's put me to sleep.

-Prologue-

1. Who took your profile picture?
on facebook, rachel

2. Exactly what are you wearing right now?
a tank top and shorts

3. What is your current problem?
my problems are trivial compared to those of others.

4. What makes you most happy?
yoga, the sunrise, friends and family. oh... and coffee.

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
"life is wonderful" by jason mraz. it's my current fave.
__________________________
____________

Chapter 1:

1. Nickname?
jennynaes, jenny ness, yogi, mama, sissy, jen, j

2. Eye color?
blue

3. Hair color?
blonde

4.Height?
5'5
________________________________________________________

Chapter 2:

1. Do you live with both of your parent(s)?
nope

2. Do you get along with them?
yeah, a lot more now than in the past

3. Are your parents chill?
i'd say so

4. Do you have any Siblings?
a sister and a brother
______________________________________________________

Chapter 3:
FAVORITE:

1. Ice Cream?
anything from coldstone

2. Season?
spring

3. Book?
oh geez... Eat Pray Love moved its way up. The classics include Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice

4. Color?
all of them

5. Food?
bananas

6. Drink?
coffee

9. Pen color?
doesnt' matter

10. Store?
ummm probably the grocery store...
__________________________________________________________

Chapter 4:
DO YOU

1.Write on your hand?
no, dad scared me out of doing that when i was younger

2. Call people back?
eh... no not usually. oops.

3. Believe in love?
yes to love. absolutely.

4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed?
yeah, the outer side
___________________________________________________________

Chapter 5:

HAVE Y0U?

1. Kissed Someone in the past 48 hours?
kensington, on the cheek. we're so european.

2. If so...where?
see #1

3. Have you ever had PHYSICAL therapy?
nope

4. Gotten surgery?
yep

5. Taken painkillers?
yeah, doctors orders only.

#6 removed.

7. Been stung by a bee?
not to my recollection

8. Threw up in a doctors office:
very likely
_____________________________________________

Chapter 6:
Who/what was the last:

2. Person to text you?
chris c.

3. Thing you touched?
i went *pat pat* to oliver's head.

5. Thing you said?
"I can't see when you stand in front of my computer like that" to oliver. shoulda never *pat pat*ed him

7. Person you hugged?
kensington

8. Person you talked to on the phone?
chris c.

11. Last book you read?
just finished Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, now i'm almost done with Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies

12. Last time you cleaned your room?
i vacuumed today, if that counts, but only because i broke glass on the floor
____________________________________________

Chapter 7:
Random:

2. What's the most exciting thing that happened to you today?
things fell into place conveniently in a way that lessens my stress load while preparing to go back to st. louis next week

3. How many best friends do you have?
three

4.Who do you love?
i'm not picky. it's easier to love everyone than it is to not.

5. What's on your bedroom floor?
lots of stuff, clothes, and oliver's fur balls

6. Who was the last person you got into an argument with?
oh geez. i don't argue much ever anymore.

7. Do you trust people easily?
yeah.

8. If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to?
i'd pick between spokane, washington, boulder colorado and somewhere in montana. or wyoming. hmmm...

9. Do you think you're good looking?
in general, i understand that my appearance is more socially accepted than others'

10.Could you go a day without eating?
i don't think so

11. How much do looks matter to you?
my looks? or others? the answers are different.

12. How do you feel about P.D.A.?
i'd rather not see you exchange bodily fluids w/ anyone in pubic.

13. When was the last time you had your hair cut?
... march 2008

14. Does it take a lot to make you cry?
no way. i'll cry for anything

15. What's the worst car accident you've ever been in?
before senior year of hs, got hit head on by a truck

17. Do you tell your parents everything?
no but i don't withhold things either

18. Would you rather be a bird or a fish?
a bird used to be a fish, so the answer doesn't matter

19. If you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive?
well i'd rather walk, but evv is not so pedestrian or biker friendly. at any rate, the store is not a block away from me.

20. Does the thought of marriage scare you?
no

21. How many kids do you want?
right now, none.

22. Whats your favorite color to wear?
i wear a lot of black for work and for yoga

23. Who was the last person in your bedroom besides you?
probably Noah

24. What are you doing today?
the day's over. but today i worked and ran some errands and taught yoga. tomorrow i'm working and then meeting holly and cass for thai food.

25. What would you do if you found a dinosaur egg?
call pbs and see if i couldn't get myself on NOVA or something

26. Do you get bored easily?
restless, mostly. it's hard to get bored bc i have a hard time sitting still

27. Did you ever want to change your name when you were younger?
yeah, laura and i made honest efforts

28. Do you wish you were famous?
there are better things to spend my wishes on

29. What do you do to your eyebrows?
let them get disgusting and unwieldy, spend an hour plucking, repeat.

30. Who's the last text message you received from?
chris c.

31. How do you like your steak cooked?
rare, and by rare i mean, do not kill and eat the cow in the first place.

32. Have you ever been in a cave?
meramac caverns in stl

33. Have you ever eaten a bug?
accidentally, i'm sure

34. Do you think there is someone for everyone?
someone for everyone and everyone for someone. we're all for each other at the end of the day.