playtime

Do you know what we did in yoga class this afternoon?

We laughed. We laughed so much we were all crying.

Sometimes in yoga we deal with "serious" issues. That's to say, we deal with an exploration of ourselves, of our emotions. We learn to feel complete despite our "imperfections." We learn to survive, in a sense. Think about it... for some of us, yoga is what's helped us get past some serious mental ordeals!

And so for me, it's a truth that I take yoga seriously. Besides that self exploration and awareness that has been so essential to my health, my dedication to my practice and desire to teach have lead me to be a pretty serious yogini. It's safe to say that yoga means a lot to me and I am certainly no fairweather fan.

Of course, I have fun in class. Everyday I enjoy myself, otherwise I wouldn't keep coming back. But today, I was gently reminded that yoga is not always meant to be so serious. In fact, it is just as playful as it is introverted!

Incidentally, my plan today was not to go to the lunchtime class, but something came up and I decided to attend that class instead of my normal, Friday night class. As soon as I sat down on my mat and started to center myself, I just knew that my change in plans was so perfect and the afternoon class was where I was meant to be. I didn't know why, or how, but I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that something good was going to happen while I was there.

It began by class getting a late start because those of us there, and the instructor, were a bunch of Chatty Cathies. And then we all came to a group decision (there were only 3 of us in class besides our instructor) that we'd work on some inversions. So when the time came we all started playing with forearm stand and the like. And at that point it ceased to be a stereotypical yoga class. Instead we were all talking, and trying things out and asking questions. We'd stop and listen as we gained education about the intricacies of our bodies and our poses. We were learning together and experimenting. We do this in all of our classes, to an extent, I think, but today was different. Truly the only word I could use to describe this today was "playful." We were playing! I haven't felt like that since I was a little kid!

It felt so freeing to just throw everything out there and feel absolutely no regret or embarassment if something didn't work. We were giggling and sometimes toppling over and then maybe we'd get it and we'd be cheering a little too. It was so fun. And the laughter.... If you could've experienced the laughter with us... Red faced and tears in our eyes. Absolutely, the lightest hearts in the midwest were sitting in EYC West today.

At one point I remember being overwhelmed with gratitude. This is my life. How lucky am I that I am making a living (or will be someday!) playing?! Incredibly so.

It was also nice to have that little reminder that, yes... yoga can bring is to deal with serious issues, but also, at the end of the day, yoga is simply fun and playful. It's about playing and exploring and being curious and just trying, completely unattached to the results.

Friends, I believe I tasted Freedom today.

downtown evansville

i used to think i was a big-city girl. but now i live in a big-little city in the midwest. we don't have lots of stuff, but what we have what we need. (okay, i'd still argue the case for more legitimate nature, but other than that, we're golden.) where i live is actually quite pretty. whenever i go wandering around downtown, i imagine what this place was like in another era and i feel very certain that i would've quite loved it then too.

Tree. Friend.

I went to Wesselman's Wildlife Nature Preserve this morning to enjoy the weather and ground myself just a little. As I was walking, I thought to myself, "Everything is still dead. It will be so pretty when things are in bloom again." I looked down and saw this.

Touchée, Mother Nature. Touchée. Nothing is dead. Everything is alive and blooming and beautiful in it's rarity right now.

Further along the walking trail, I came across this section of a tree trunk laying on the ground. I was drawn to him for whatever reason. I got this feeling that I might have known him. So we sat together, quitely for a while. We shared our stories. I told him mine and he told me his. I realized they were the same.

I put my hands on him and I felt the pulse of my energy, of his energy and of life energy. All at once, there was no difference in these energies. We were the same, one pulse beating in time.

I left my friend there, in the woods, and as I walked away I wondered if we'd ever meet again or if our acquaintance was one that was not meant to be repeated. Like many other questions in this life, I don't have the answer and that is okay. I found joy in having known him for a short time. And that is enough.

i named her kali

This is my first dread. The website said you should name it. I have named her Kali. I'm thinking about giving her friends.

Lots of them.

A whole head of them.

Opinions appreciated.

i have the power

i just taught my third yoga class ever in life. it was a great morning class with 3 students, one of them totally new to the studio, but not new to yoga. my first two classes went perfectly fine. but there was something about this class today, that, as i was going through the asanas, i just felt this vibe. i remember thinking, "man, this is a good class." i thought it could've just been me, but i was feeling an energy. i felt like we were all getting a challenge, building heat, doing good things and doing them together.

then, at the end of class, as everyone was settling back into seated postures and i was preparing to read a thought for the day, i met eyes with one of the girls in the class. at that moment, the realization that it wasn't just me that had felt that vibe. afterwards, she came up to me and said, "that was just the best class!" and then proceeded to list all the things that she thought were interesting, different and that she had enjoyed.

i know this is partly ego driven, but my heart has swollen to ten times its original size. (think, "they like me, they really like me!") but another part of why this makes me so, so rapturous is the reason why i wanted to teach yoga in the first place. i have said before that if i could just make one person feel for a fraction of a second what i have felt from doing yoga, then i would have done the greatest good and completed my purpose. three classes in and it seems to have happened! i am so filled with love for yoga and for the students and for everything right now. this is why i'm sharing yoga. to know that i have the ability to open people up to that feeling, to be able to guide them to that feeling... it is miraculous.

i am so fulfilled. i certainly enjoyed the compliment but more than anything, i feel as though i've never given so much back to the world, the universe, life as i am giving right now and it. feels. good. giving joy, giving optimism, giving an open mind... when before i only thought i had the power, i know now i do have the power. just like knowing that there is peace inside of me, that there is strength, that there is radical self-acceptance, there is this ability too. all i have to do is call upon it, share it, send it outward.

it feels to me as though this is the culmination of all the inner work i have done (and continue to do). finally, i have done enough work that i may shine my light outward. i never would've imagined that shining it outward would feel so, so wonderful.

this is a good day.