Living Dharma- Self Titled Blog

I just finished reading the latest blog from the Yarn Harlot, entitled "Bridge." In it, she describes her disdain for transitions. Specifically, she talks about traveling from one place to the next and the emotional and physical upheavals into which she is thrown. It struck me as interesting because late last year I wrote a blog with a similar emphasis on travel, except I took the opposite stance, describing what I loved about leaving places.

So as I was reading I started thinking about how much I enjoy the transition, the excitement of something different, the excitement of the upheaval, and furthermore, how I tend to struggle instead with readjusting once I have arrived and then maintaining a level of excitement once I am rooted.

For me, I feel as though the journey, the transition is the greatest part. There is something about having only exactly what I need, the bare minimum upon which I can survive, the supreme detachment to all of my stuff and then embarking on an adventure. It's here that I can learn the most about myself because myself (or, you could say, my Self) is all I have. It feels like I'm living Truth. This, for me, is what life is about. The journey, the adventure, the learning, the revelation.

It is when I arrive that I am most thrown off guard. What do I do at the destination? Sometimes it feels as though I've forgotten why I initially intended to travel, having gleaned something I often feel is absolutely greater than I what I set out for in the first place. So I am there, and I have new information and new eyes. It would appear that I may never find myself lost while traveling, but may instead have no idea where I am when I arrive. Where do I set my things down? How do I interact with others? And generally, riding the Traveler's High, I generally am thinking, When do we get to do it again?

So it's safe to say I am not always most comfortable with the settling period. (Oh, by the way, if you haven't caught on yet, I'm so very not talking simply about literal travel anymore...) Eventually, however, I do. And the next thing that comes is the attempts to stay excited about where I am. You could say I sometimes may confuse the word "stable" for "stagnant." It happens in yoga ("When will my next 'aha' moment be?!"), it happens in my life ("This daily routine feels like I'm stuck in a hamster wheel!").

As I'm writing and reading here, I am now able to see that the difference here is awareness and mindfulness of the present moment. In one situation- when I travel and experience detachment- I am fully alive. I am aware only of the present moment. In the other situation- when I am settled and becoming more attached to things or stuff or what have you- I am distracted and I lose this awareness.

Last night I had dinner with a friend and we had an extended conversation about balance and the middle path. As we talked about things happening in our lives, and the issues that were most important to us presently, we realized that at the core of every issue, we were trying to find the center between to poles. It seems that in this life we are always attempting to find balance. How can I be nice and not a pushover? Stern but not a bitch? How may I follow my heart and my own path without disregarding the feelings of others? How may I find myself both rooted and detached?

If I could find a way to see my life as the ceaseless journey it truly is, I could be fully aware and alive. There is no hamster wheel! Every moment is an 'aha!' moment!

Incidentally, I have just gone on the journey of this blog. I have traveled and explored. I have arrived at a destination, and I am lost. Now what? Now that I have gained some insight for myself, how do I apply it? How do I use it without overwhelming myself? At the end of yoga class we have 10 minutes lying in Savasana for deep relaxation, to let our practice sink in. Yet again, yoga gives us tools for real life applications of this new knowledge... My mind just did a really intense yoga practice and needs some Savasana.

I'm on to something here, I know it. It's something I need to meditate on. It's part of this transformation. I call my blog Living Dharma for a reason. I can find this middle path, or walk a lot closer to it on a more regular basis. I get closer every day and am grateful to think of myself as I was 2 years ago, 1 year ago, heck, 2 months ago and know that I get closer every day.

Time to Travel

I wish I could blog something these days.

I want to express myself. I want to be inspired to write something. I'm not so busy I don't have time to blog. I'm blocked. I can feel something inside of me that wants to come out, but it hasn't made itself clear to me.

This scenario is playing out in other aspects of my life. I've been partaking in some energy work recently, to unblock channels in my body, especially in my hips and lower abdomen, where I tend to hold my tension. And don't we all know about hips right? Since my last session with my energy worker, I have been pretty emotional, to either end of the spectrum and back. Crying in the middle of yoga class, or needlessly outraged because I've been minorly inconvenienced. My patience has absolutely gone out the window. And Universe, please forgive me for these days I've spent backtracking through my work on compassion. Honestly, I feel a bit like I need an exorcism. This energy is waking up inside me and I'm adjusting to it slowly. I see this opportunity as one to discover new things about myself, my body, and as an opportunity to cleanse and find genuine purity in my life.

Part of me is frightened of what I'm going to meet the more I focus on it. Things I thought I'd laid to rest? Things I hoped to never come up against again? Things that may completely blindside me?

So it's safe to say there's some fear, or maybe apprehension is a better word for it. But here's what I know: tonight, I was engaged in a rather dull, yet somewhat cathartic activity at work. Despite it being a task I considered pretty mind numbing, I found myself intensely present in despite of that. Of course, it's only in these moments of Quiet, wherever we happen to find them, that we are able to Hear. And that's when I heard. I am on the brink of something here. Something major. There is a transformation going on in and around me. I don't know what it consists of and I don't know where it's leading me. But what I heard was that it is big and it is good. Far outweighing my apprehensions is this overwhelming sense of peace, sense of calm. That wonderful feeling of knowing I'll be taken care of by the Universe. It's what I can only describe as true Faith.

What I'm conscious of is that the road may be rocky, but I'm headed in the right direction. I was never one to take the easy path, anyway.

So just in case you wonder where I've gone, I'm on a journey at present, and I'll be sending postcards along the way...

Campaign of Gratitude: Day 4 aka Gratitude Vomit

Today, I'm thankful for... well... today.

I'm thankful for a really fantastic morning yoga class that I really feel brought me in to spiritual alignment with this Thanksgiving day. I'm thankful for the energy of love and compassion and gratitude that resides in my Sangha and thus, resides in me.

I'm thankful that my kitten has little ways of showing me she loves me and that she misses me when I'm not home.

I'm thankful for a my 30% employee discount at Starbucks. I'm VERY thankful for Starbucks Lemon Loaf. I'm EXTREMELY thankful for triple shot lattes.

I'm thankful I made it to St. Louis safely. I'm thankful gas is even cheaper here than in Evansville. (Although I'll save my concerns about what deflation does for those of us paying back any sort of loan for a day that I'm not supposed to be giving thanks...) I'm thankful for getting to do 2 loads of FREE (to me) laundry.

I'm thankful for a kitchen full to the brim of delicious food today, when, for so many others in the world, today is just another day they are hungry. (Wow... all of a sudden I don't feel right about my impending over indulgence...)

I'm thankful to have gotten to spend a portion of this day with my Sangha, for getting to next spend a portion of this day with my family and more still, for getting to spend a portion of this day with my best friend.

I'm thankful to have so very many things to be thankful for when the day is barely half over.

I'm not just living dharma today, I'm living luck.

Campaign of Gratitude: Day 3

Sweet, sweet patience.

I attempted to write this blog three separate times today but every time, I was at a loss for what to be thankful for today. Sure, I found things to be thankful for, but nothing for which I was so thankful that I wanted to dedicate an entire day's blog to it and it alone. So I said to myself each time, "Well, the day's not over. I'll wait and I'm sure by the day's end, something will come forward." Et voila.

Today,then, I'm thankful for two things. 1) Patience, and 2) I am thankful for T-Mobile. They are always so splendidly helpful on a regular basis and that's something I really, truly appreciate. (Especially as someone who used to be a Sprint-subscriber. I experienced truly awful service during those dark days.) Suffice it to say that I'm very enthusiastic about my cell phone service provider. And suffice it to say that my heart just swelled to three times its normal size.

T-Mobile is running a promotion through part of December that offers it's subscribers free companion flights for renewing their service for two years. How amazing is that?! They just made my dream of taking a cross-country vacation to Seattle next year come true.

Spectacular! Thanks, T-Mobile!